Anxiety

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After 2 years of dealing with my anxiety; life has been full of up’s and downs, more emotionally than anything else.  Going thru a lot of thoughts and negative thinking sometimes drive me crazy, actually it would to anyone else. Still looking for a job and struggling economically perhaps has taught me something, that it didn’t matter who told me this before, god knows how many times, I just didn’t get it. This process has taught me the value of the important things that life has to offer us and that they are for free. I had spent some time just admiring the beauty of the skies, the warmth of the air and little by little I just feel the grasp of happiness climbing slowly thru all the bad moments that are happening. This tells me that somewhere in my head, there is something that is getting better and is doing its best to stay optimistic, staying positive and finally this message is arriving to me. The joy and the comfort of knowing that things will be OK, eventually just makes me smile and wake up another day with hopes, there will be better days to come.

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To those that read this because you would like to know about my phases with anxiety. My biggest advice to you is to look for those people that are around you, that are willing to help you. Set all your differences to the side and begin to trust and let them help you. The anxiety process is one that alone cannot be fought. A few days ago I spoke with a good friend of mine who left the island and moved to Minnesota after she got married. Her English was not great, she just recently finished her BA degree in human resources and had a lot of hopes of growing into a professional to this new place where she was going . Her husband, is in the military, he is very fluent in English and finally convinced her to move. Her small circle of friends accepted this moving since we thought that things were going to be the same way as he portrayed to her and us. After nine months, our communications had been cut short; time differences, busy schedule and she was around like a tourist. We were very happy since this was the very first time that she left the island and saw something different. The new experience of seeing snow 27 years of age, she felt like a little kid as she played and admire the snow. Of course, she adored and hated the cold weather since she was not used to it.

As recently as yesterday, after several months of not knowing nothing about her, I sent her a message via social media just to see if she was alright. After her reply I knew something was off, her usual energy was not the same. I asked how was her English classes and how was things around her. Her reply at first was the typical one “I am good; I love it here. Everything is fine”. She asked how I was doing with my health issues and I was honest with her. Told her everything that I was feeling adding details that normally I would leave to myself. The atmosphere changed, she admitted she has been experiencing anxiety issues herself. My heart sunk as I read her words, it felt like she was actually speaking to me. Tears flowed down my cheeks just to understand my friends pain and suffering since it’s been hard to adapt for her, in a land where she does not speak a fluent language and been with someone who is barely home since he is always working. Don’t get me wrong, they are happy together but this change was more beneficial for him, of course, I like that he is providing for her but she is not a house person; she loves feeling part of the hard work.

After she explained everything I felt how everything began to change once more, for the better this time. She needed someone to speak to, someone to listen to her and reminded her how much we love her and know how strong she is. This is the key for anxiety at beginning levels, you need, you must believe in yourself; surround yourself with those who love you and talk with them about what is going on. If you wait and shut yourself, you will be consumed. I know and understand that we all have the power to overcome anxiety issues, I believe that I can beat this anxiety with flying colors, but I must first work on myself to prevent that after I am done with it that it does not come back. I had been fighting this for 2 years’ now, it maybe not as long as many people, but it is enough to know what consequences it can bring. Ive been in the hospital, closed in my own room, thinking suicidal thoughts having 2 attempts, it is enough to stand against this issue and scream to the world how I was able to get up and fight back. Right now I am working with my friend even in distance but still side by side to make sure she gets through it, not by herself, but with the people she loves and with her own strengths.I might not know you, but I love you and I believe in you. If you reached this far on this blog is because you are having a loved one that is going thru this or maybe you are going through it. Don’t give up on this person does not matter how many times he or she shuts you down or pushes you away. If you are the one who is going through anxiety issues. I congratulate you for looking for help, you can do this. Everyone’s mind is his own world, no one but you can overcome this; you just need your loved ones support and of course, you got my support.

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